The Absolutely Pointless Adventures of Kirby
by Iwin Ulose
Summary: A hole in the plot allows a large group of different Kirbys to visit and fight Kirby. 4/28/2010 - I think I might have been on drugs when I wrote this. However, I might revisit it soon....
1. Breaking a huge fast

Disclaimer- I do not own Kirby, GTA, Sonic, or anything else in this fic. If I did, I would be FILTHY RICH and I wouldn't be wasting my time writing this fic in the first place.  
  
This is the beginning of: The Absolutely Pointless Adventures of Kirby  
  
Breaking a huge fast  
  
Bob: Hi! I'm the narrator of this story! And all other ones that iamdeath makes!  
  
IAD: Just call me IAD. Or Death. I like Death.  
  
Zacharias: I don't. *goes Super Saiyan* I hate you.  
  
Death: Grrrreat. Ok, here's the fic. AAUUGGHH!!!  
  
Zacharias: Yes! I killed him!  
  
Smoldering Crater: *sizzle*  
  
Bob: Okay.. Now, Popstar. Kirby wakes up from a 3-day sleep.  
  
Kirby: Huh? *blinks eyes* What time is it? Holy s-t, it's 11:00am! I'm starving! Must eat must eat must eat must eat must eat must eat must eat must eat must eat must eat must eat.. * turns on radio*  
  
DJ: Good morning, Popstar! Today is Blingday the 21st!  
  
Kirby: WTF!? I fell asleep on the night of Yoingday the 17th! *counts on fingers he doesn't have* 18, 19, 20. that's 3 days! I've slept for 3 days! I NEED FOOD!!  
  
Gooey: Habthe tar sakboon tuoe xhbgh, dur dur dur!  
  
Kirby: Shut up. *sucks up Gooey and spits him out window*  
  
Gooey: AAAAHHhhhhhh..  
  
Kirby: Oops. Maybe I shouldn't have moved to Cliff Top.. Oh, well.  
  
DJ: This just in! King Dedede has stolen the world's food supply. AGAIN. Kirby, please help us. AGAIN.  
  
Kirby: WHAT!? Damnit! Not him! Not again! Not NOW!  
  
Bob: Not the Chinese nipple torture!  
  
Zacharias: *giving Bob Chinese nipple torture* Yes!  
  
Bob- Ack! *dies*  
  
Zacharias: I narrate now! Okay, Kirby and Popstar burn in hell and (cl) the cheese god takes over the universe!  
  
Death: Ooooh no. That's my thing. I love cheese.  
  
Zacharias: What!? I killed you!  
  
Death- Moron. I-AM-DEATH. Remember? Besides, you can't kill the author. And I brought you into this world-  
  
Zacharias: -and you can take me out of it. I know, I know.  
  
Death: Good. Now go get the Dragon Balls and revive my narrator. *Zacharias uses Instant Transmission* Now, I will narrate. Sorry for the delay. So, Kirby brings 3 of those strange power trophy thingies with him: the Sword, Fire, and Yoyo trophies. He puts them in a duffle bag and floats away. *mutters* A duffle bag. That's so stupid. *speaks normally* So anyway, Kirby decides to land in the forest, for no reason, and fight the enemies there, for no reason.  
  
Kirby: *in defensive tone* What? It keeps the story goin'.  
  
Death: But, little does Creampuff know-  
  
Kirby: Hey!  
  
Death: -he entered the. *echo* Inter-dimensional Forest Where Characters From Other Games Randomly Appear! There are two Knuckle Joes (enemies with the Fighter power) blocking the entrance.  
  
Joe#1: Halt!  
  
Joe#2: Or else we will start a pointless fight with you and end up getting digested anyway.  
  
Kirby: No, I'll kill you and loot your corpses this time.  
  
#2: Oh, okay.  
  
Death: So Kirby does this. He burns them with the Fire Power. Each of them has one muffin.  
  
Kirby: YES!! FOOD!! *sucks up muffins* Wow, that was too fast.. Okay, maybe I should eat these corpses even though enemies don't really fill me up for some reason. *eats corpses* Ooh, a sign. *reads out loud* Welcome to the Inter-dimensional Forest Where Characters From Other Games Randomly Appear. Please watch your step and don't litter. Walking desserts are not allowed in this Forest. Thank you, signed, King Dedede.  
  
Death: Ha ha! Living desserts. That's good!  
  
Kirby: Now I have another reason to kill that bird.. Well, in a Chinese food place, he's a walking dinner.  
  
Death: Are you trying to call him a duck, cuz I don't think he's a duck. He's just a. bird.  
  
Kirby: I DON'T CARE!!!  
  
Death: . Sorry. Please don't hurt me.  
  
Kirby: Fine. I'll just enter this Inter-dimensional Forest Where Characters From Other Games Randomly Appear and- *gets hit in the head (or in other words, his whole body) by a grenade* Ow! What the f..?!  
  
Death: A man jumps down from a tree- with a remote detonating device!  
  
Bob: Woh, I'm alive.  
  
Death: Whew! *wipes forehead* Okay, you narrate. I need to go steal more souls before I lose my energy and die. *leaves*  
  
Bob: But. how can I. narrate? I can't narrate a fic when it's not being. created.  
  
Kirby: Just make up stuff. I can't stand being frozen like this.  
  
Death: Okay, I'm back. I just needed a few souls to stay alive.  
  
Bob: Okay, now I can narrate! Let's see.. The man with the detonating device is. Tommy from Vice City!  
  
Tommy: The sign said no walkin' desserts allowed in the Inter- dimensional-  
  
Kirby: Yeah, I know, just call it the Forest. And I am NOT a walking dessert! *mutters* All this abuse. I'm gonna need a therapist soon.  
  
Tommy: Yeah; a physical therapist. See you in hell!  
  
Bob: Then, before Tommy can hit the button, Kirby kicks the grenade at him. However, Tommy can't stop his hand in time; he detonates the grenade when it's right in front of him.  
  
Tommy: *goes flying into a tree* OW! Ugh..  
  
Kirby: *sucks up Tommy* Yay! I got a new power! *echo* GTA Kirby!  
  
Bob: This power gives Kirby every weapon in GTA Vice City.  
  
Kirby: It does? Yes! *takes out oozy* This has always been my favorite. Huh? Cool, I'm wearing that blue Hawaiian-looking shirt that Tommy always wears.  
  
Death: Ugh, that's stupid. I like it when he gets the cop clothes.  
  
Bob: ANYWAY, Kirby continues. A nearby bush rustles and Kirby jumps. He points his oozy at it.  
  
Kirby: Who's there? Ah, screw it. *makes an assistant from GTA power*  
  
Tommy: How can I help ya?  
  
Kirby: Just stand there and look pretty. I know that's kinda hard for you, but..  
  
Tommy: I can handle it. *uses cheat code and turns into Candy Suxx*  
  
Kirby: Rrrright. I said look pretty, not like a whore. Anyway. time to use my Sword power and cut these bushes. Hm, the rustling stopped. Not for long! *takes out Sword trophy and uses sword to cut away bushes*  
  
Bob: Woh! It's Sonic and Rouge!  
  
Death: Making out!  
  
Kirby: Sonic, why are you cheating on Amy?  
  
Sonic: Tch, she wishes.  
  
Rouge: No, I'm the one who's cheating here, on Knuckles. I'm getting $10 for it, though.  
  
Sonic: Yeah, so, um, would you mind not telling anyone about this?  
  
Kirby: Sure. *grins* But in return..  
  
Rouge: We won't tell Dedede that you're here. I think that's good enough payment, don't you?  
  
Kirby: No, not really. *points oozy at Rouge* I'll use this. Either give me directions, or food. Your choice.  
  
Rouge: You wouldn't be able to kill us, but we'll give you directions anyway. *points at tree* Press that knot on the tree. That'll take you to Dedede's castle.  
  
Kirby: Thanks. *presses knot*  
  
Bob: A huge piece of cheese appears out of nowhere and teleports Kirby to the castle.  
  
Dedede's Castle  
  
Kirby: *tries to eat cheese, but it disappears* NNNOOOOOO!!! Oh, well, I'm about to get the WORLD'S SUPPLY OF FOOD! Yes!  
  
Bob: So Kirby runs around the castle trying to find Dedede. He makes Tommy his assistant again and takes on the Yoyo power. Kirby is quite insane with his starvation problem.  
  
Kirby: I CAME, I SAW, I KILLED EVERYONE IN SIGHT!!!  
  
Tommy: And I took their wallets. ;)  
  
Bob: And then, a small army charges them down a huge corridor!  
  
Tommy: *takes out rocket launcher* Bye-bye. *blows up army*  
  
Kirby: Wow, you're the best assistant I ever had. Hey, look, a door!  
  
Tommy: It says, "This is NOT King Dedede's huge food supply."  
  
Kirby: BREAK DOWN THE DOOR!! Oh, screw it, I want my GTA power back. *absorbs Tommy again* YES!! *shoots down door with best shotgun in Vice City* Wait, there's no food in here. Only-  
  
Dedede: Me, King Dedede! You'll never get the food supply back AGAIN, for I-  
  
Kirby: SHUT THE HELL UP! You don't get it, do you?! I'M F---ING STARVING!!! *takes out gatling (sorry if I didn't spell that right) gun* FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOOOOD!!!  
  
Bob: My God, Kirby, you've been screaming the whole fic..  
  
Kirby: If I knew where you are, BOB, I'd kill you, too. NOW, DIE DIE DIE! *shoots Dedede*  
  
Bob: Wow, Dedede looks like a really big and bloody piece of Swiss cheese.  
  
Dedede: *gurgle* *sizzle*  
  
Kirby: *runs into next room* Ooh, a giant safe. *sarcastic* I cannot guess what's in there. I wonder what it is? Hmmm.. *glares at the 2 guards* Outta my way.  
  
Guard #1: Er, I do not think this huge safe is holding the world's food supply. *looks at Guard #2* Do you?  
  
#2: Um, no, I think the food is n-  
  
Kirby: *hacks guards to pieces with chainsaw* Eww. Well, I told them to move.. *takes key from #1's remains* Okay, here we go. *turns key in lock; lock opens up* WHAT?! A retina scan?! Oh, well, better get Dedede's eyeball. *smiles evilly*  
  
Bob: Wait, don't do that in front of me! Oh, that's disgus- *pukes* Well, Kirby has the eyeball, but I no longer have my lunch..  
  
Kirby: *opens safe* All right! Time for a huge breakfast. *stops* Wait, this food belongs to Popstar.. Oh, who frickin' cares?! I'M STARVING! Popstar can suffer for all I care!  
  
Bob: So, while foaming at the mouth, Kirby sucks down all the food in a huge frenzy.  
  
Kirby: *finishes food* Ah, I feel better now. I'm back to my normal, cheerful self. Yippee.  
  
Bob: So, after blowing up the castle, Kirby leaves the Inter- dimensional Forest Where Characters From Other Games Randomly Appear. But as he's walking home..  
  
Kirby: Aaaah!! A huge mob! Popstar's after me! RUUUN!  
  
Mob: You ate our entire food supply, bastard!  
  
Random person#1: Let's catch him and burn him!  
  
Random person#2: Yeah, roast him like a marshmallow and eat him!  
  
Random person#3: No, let's beat him with a shoe! That's the worst!  
  
Kirby: Oh, no, an Iraqi..  
  
Random person#4: No, let's take out his spleen and liver and sell them on E-Bay! *everyone stares at him*  
  
Bob: So, after the mob beats the crap out of #4, ties him to a chair, gags him, and straps rubber breasts on him-  
  
Kirby: They've been watching The New Guy too much.  
  
Bob: -they continue chasing Kirby.  
  
Kirby: AAAUUUGGGHHH!  
  
Zacharias: *appears out of nowhere* Stop, foolish mob! Just go to the DBZ World and wish your food back.  
  
Mob: NO!!  
  
Zacharias: Fine. *blows up mob*  
  
Kirby: Thanks. How'd you get here?  
  
Zacharias: Had a second wish, so I wished I was in the fic.  
  
Death: Good. Now go back and wish Popstar back to life.  
  
Zacharias: No. Just end the fic. Everything will go back to normal when you start a new one.  
  
Death: Okay. Then this is. THE END.  
  
Was it good, huh, was it?? Each chapter will be a different story. I've already got an idea for the 2nd chapter, but I need to know if I should even bother posting it. So please review. Review, or Martha Stewart will get you! *high-pitched scream from nowhere* 


	2. The battle of the Kirbys

Disclaimer: Yo, I ain't ownin' JACK, yo. It be coo' if I did cuz Kirby da BOMB, yo! Fo shizzel!  
  
Bob: Word! Chapter 2, keepin' it real.  
  
Death: Okay, enough with that. *mutters* Damn wiggers.  
  
Bob: Sorry. All right, let's start this. Kirby is playing his favorite video game, Legend of Dragoon.  
  
Kirby: Die, Lloyd, die! You killed Lavitz!! Huh? *looks out window* I coulda sworn I just saw something fall from the sky...  
  
Bob: Kirby walks outside to find that a red Kirby fell from the sky!  
  
Red: I challenge you, Kirby.  
  
Kirby: Where'd you come from? How'd you get here??  
  
Red: A hole in the plot.  
  
Bob: Then, 4 more Kirbys fall from the sky: one blue, one green, one yellow, and one purple.  
  
Kirbys: We all challenge you, Kirby.  
  
Kirby: Okaaay..  
  
Red: But first, we must do a gay little dance and join together to form a super creampuff.  
  
Kirby: Why are you insulting yourself?  
  
Bob: The 5 Kirbys do their gay little dance.  
  
Red: Fire! Blue: Water and Ice! Green: Poison! Yellow: Lightning! Purple: Wind!  
  
Bob: They all dogpile on top of each other and turn into... Rainbow Kirby!  
  
Kirby: AAHH!! GAY PRIDE!  
  
Rainbow: *talks with lisp* Oh, you are so immature. You're just jealous that I'm so pretty and special and you're not. *looks closely at Kirby* Ohmygod, fashion emergency!  
  
Kirby: Shut up and fight me. You're wasting my precious time.  
  
Bob: Then, Kirby notices something bright pink falling from the sky.  
  
Kirby: I do? Oh, I see it now... and it's nearly brighter than the sun! AAH, MY EYES!  
  
???: It is I, Neon Pink Kirby! My power is blindness, as you can see. *laughs at own retarded joke*  
  
Kirby: Yeah, I'm blind, all right.  
  
Neon: I challenge the both of you!  
  
???: I challenge the 3 of you!  
  
Kirby: Huh? Who said that?!  
  
Neon: Show yourself!  
  
Rainbow: Oh. My. God. It's the spirit of my dead fashion designer! He's the one who gave me my fab look.  
  
Kirby: *mutters* What else did he give you? Head?  
  
???: Uuh, no. I'm not a fashion designer. My name is Camouflage Kirby, and I am the best out of all of you.  
  
Rainbow: Oh, no. The reject Kirbys, Black and White, are coming. They have no dress sense.  
  
Kirby: THAT'S ENOUGH! Let's start this, now!  
  
Bob: So, while Black and White watch from a safe distance, the Kirbys fight. Kirby dodges a fireball shot by Rainbow. The fireball hits Neon. Camouflage Kirby (CamoKirby) sneaks up behind Rainbow and kicks him. Rainbow sprays jets of water all around him but misses CamoKirby. Rainbow makes a small tornado, but Kirby somehow sucks it up. While CamoKirby beats the crap out of Rainbow, Neon goes as bright as his skin can go and charges at Kirby. Kirby keeps trying to look away, but he can't. Kirby is about to black out from the pain caused by looking at Neon, but then Neon goes flying into a tree for apparently no reason. Then, a golden blur comes out of nowhere and hits Rainbow.  
  
Rainbow: *screams* Ohmygod, BLOOD! *faints at sight of blood*  
  
Golden blur: HA HA! Gold Kirby wins again with hhis Superman-like powers!  
  
Silver Kirby: Ah, dear brother, but it was me and my psychic powers that sent Neon Pink into a tree.  
  
Kirby: That wasn't a tree. It was Whispy Woods's corpse. Damn it, you're flinging neon pink creampuffs at my lawn decorations!  
  
Gold: And WHY is Whispy's corpse your lawn decoration?  
  
Kirby: Just shut up! *growls* That's IT! Everyone off my property!  
  
Bob: Then, Gold and Silver join together and become Ultimate Kirby. A huge battle ensues, yadda yadda yadda.  
  
Kirby: [This is impossible! Ultimate Kirby is like a psychic Superman! Plus, I can't see CamoKirby. He could attack at any moment! ....Wait a minute! I need kryptonite!] *rushes into house* How lucky! I have a large chunk of kryptonite in my sock drawer.  
  
Death: That's not luck, my friend. That's another hole in the plot.  
  
Kirby: Whatever. Samething to me. *sucks up kryptonite and waddles outside*  
  
Ultimate Kirby: Why are you so bloated? Neede a snack? No matter, I will pop you! Ha ha ha ha!  
  
Bob: Ultimate Kirby charges at Kirby. Then, Kirby shoots the kryptonite at Ultimate Kirby when he gets really close. The power and force of the kryptonite causes Ultimate Kirby to split in two again. Kirby takes his chance and stuffs the kryptonite into Gold's mouth. Gold screams and explodes.  
  
Kirby: That was cool. Too bad he was so much like Superman, or that wouldn't have worked.  
  
Silver: Cool?! That was horrible! You killed my brother!  
  
Kirby: Hey, he's the one who challenged me.  
  
Silver: That's it! I'm gonna fuck you up!!  
  
CamoKirby: *kicks Silver of Cliff Top* Bye-bye!  
  
Silver: AAAAHhhh.... *SPLAT*  
  
Kirby: Ooo, messy.  
  
CamoKirby: Just you and me now, Kirby... just you and me....  
  
Kirby: Wait, I can't beat you! WTF?! What are Black and White doing?  
  
CamoKirby: They're joining together!  
  
Kirby: Again?! What's up with all these stupid transformations?  
  
Death: You got a problem with the way I write my fics?  
  
Kirby: No, no, sorry.  
  
Death: Good. ^_^  
  
Gray Kirby: *emotionless* I'll defeat the both of you.  
  
Kirby: My God, he has the most boring, drawling voice I ever heard.  
  
Bob: Huh? Woh, that's freaky! Gray just shot ropes at Kirby and CamoKirby out of his mouth. The ropes bind the two of them so tight, they can't even twitch.  
  
Kirby: I - can't - even - twitch!  
  
Gray: Now, let's talk about politics.  
  
CamoKirby: OH, NO! I HATE politics!  
  
Kirby: It's so boring.  
  
Bob: So, Gray drones on and on about politics for an hour. *shudder*  
  
CamoKirby: *yawns* Can't - take it....  
  
Kirby: Must - fight it!  
  
Gray: All right, who wants to see my rock and fossil collection?  
  
Kirby: NNOOOOOO!  
  
Bob: Then, out of nowhere, Gray pulls out, not one, but THREE big boxes packed with rocks and little fossils. Each box takes 45 minutes! My God....  
  
CamoKirby: *snore*  
  
Gray: [Hee hee. One down, one to go. I'll have to use my ultimate weapon....] Okay, Kirby, I am going to show you a slideshow of my vacation to Toothpick Land.  
  
Kirby: WHAT DID I DO, SATAN?! WHAT DID I DOOOO?!!  
  
30 minutes later...  
  
Gray: ...And here's me standing next to the Great Toothpick Shrine. Did you know that the Shrine is made out of 672,349 toothpicks? Amazing.  
  
Bob: So, *yawns* an hour and a half later, Gray finishes the slideshow. Kirby is still awake, *yawns* but I'm not. *snore*  
  
Kirby: Don't you get it? If you don't stop, I'll DIE of boredom. LITERALLY. I can't fall asleep now cuz of these pills that I take. I have a sleeping problem. If I fall asleep, I could stay asleep for up to 3-5 days. These pills allow me to fall asleep at a certain time in the evening and force me to wake up at a certain time in the morning. I can't fall asleep in between, so STOP!  
  
Gray: If killing you is what it takes to win, so be it.  
  
Kirby: Okay, okay, I give! You're the best Kirby, all right? I'm losing my dignity, so let me keep my life!  
  
Gray: Sorry, but I must win fair and square.  
  
Kirby: WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING?! THIS ISN'T FAIR!!  
  
Gray: And now for a documentary on butterflies.  
  
Bob: *wakes up* Huh? Oh, yeah, narratae.... Kirby notices Gooey sneaking up behind Gray.  
  
Gray: *produces T.V. and VCR out of nowhere* Now, let's pop in the tape....  
  
Bob: Gooey switches the tape with a different tape.  
  
Gray: *starts tape* What? The Hug-Hug Show?  
  
T.V.: Hug hug. Hug hug hug. Hug hug hug....  
  
Bob: Gooey pounces on Gray, ties him up with rope, and puts him in front of the T.V.  
  
Gooey: Akleb sthoob blahkr dif, gbzer blibber!  
  
Gray: No! No! Can't - take - anymore. Too - cheerful. Too - retarded! GAAH! *explodes*  
  
Kirby: Wow, Gooey, I'm impressed! You're actually good for something.  
  
Gooey: Dur dur DUR! ^_^  
  
Kirby: All right, clean up my yard now.  
  
Bob: Then, the bundle of ropes that is CamoKirby stands up.  
  
CamoKirby: Please, Kirby, help me!  
  
Kirby: I don't knooow....  
  
CamoKirby: Look, we can be friends! We would make a great team. Plus, I helped you with Silver Kirby....  
  
Kirby: That's true. Let me think about it. *thinks about it* Well, okay. Gooey, untie him.  
  
CamoKirby: Thanks. *turns sky blue* This is my true color. Now you can see me.  
  
Kirby: Yeah yeah, great great. C'mon, I gotta finish Legend of Dragoon, I was in the middle of a boss battle.  
  
CamoKirby: Oh, I love that game.  
  
Kirby: I don't CARE, just get inside. GOOEY! Quit drooling on him. Sorry, CamoKirby. That means he likes you. Gooey, clean up the yard.  
  
Gooey: *in British accent* Of course, old chap. And after that, I shall make us all some tea. And how about a well-rounded game of croquet after your video game? Smashing! *starts to clean up yard while whistling*  
  
Kirby: O_o  
  
CamoKirby: ...  
  
Death: Uh, I guess I should end the fic now... Gooey might try to restart a war with Iraq or something.... Bye-bye for now.  
  
Gooey: Pip pip, cheerio!  
  
THE END.  
  
I hope it was okay. If it was, review. If it wasn't, review anyway. I NEED MORE REVIEWS. I have to know if I'm wasting my time with this fic, so if you read it, you must review. PLEASE?? Do it not only for me, but also for the eternal Cheese God. Remember, He and His holy cows are always watching you.... 


End file.
